seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
