Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
