I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
