I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
