don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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