Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
