so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
