I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
