You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
