No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
