Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
