Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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