Yo dont text me then not text me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
