Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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