i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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