I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
