TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
