If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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