I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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