i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
