There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
