Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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