just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
