i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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