I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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