Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
