I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
