No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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