I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize