I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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