i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
