my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
