Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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