Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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