Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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