Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
