how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize