Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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