I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize