This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
