I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
