Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
