Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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