I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Randomize
