So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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