Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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