And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
