what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
