so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
