My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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