Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
