I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
