did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
