i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
