I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
