I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
