Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
