I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
