Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
