Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
