Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
