I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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