I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
