Where did you get a picture of my penis
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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