VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
