I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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