me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize