genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
