I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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